Since Kyle and I have fertility issues, we have decided to do invitro. But since it is going to be at least $10,000, it might be awhile until we can. For the time being, we are trying to raise money.
While it may seem silly to some, we definitely don't have that much money just laying around! Every little bit helps, right? If you are interested, you can donate here! Thanks!

https://www. paypal. com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=AJG5ET5UQHXV6&lc=US&item_name=The%20Cope%20IVF%20Fund¤cy_code=USD&bn=PP%2dDonationsBF%3abtn_donateCC_LG%2egif%3aNonHosted

I know that I only post on here like once a year. So I guess it's about that time. Usually I'll just blog on Myspace. But sometimes, I don't want 100 people to read my thoughts. But I still want to get them out. So head's up. Woe is me blog ahead.

Now that Kyle is back at home, we're back on the TTC train. It didn't happen the first month. And I have been doing fine. I keep thinking that if it doesn't happen on it's own, then by early summer we'll do in-vitro. And that has kept me going, and I haven't gotten too down. In true Tiffany style, I was staying positive. But the other day when Kyle and I were sitting at the airport, I was flipping through my issue of Conceive. And I came across an article on IVF, so I was reading a few facts and things to Kyle. Then comes the reality check. I've always known how expensive in-vitro is. But I never thought much of it. Thinking we could get a loan. Then Kyle proceeds to inform me that it might not be possible. Right now, I don't have a job. And my car is in the shop. The transmission went out. They're still working on it. Not finished yet and the total is already up to $3,700. And the total is still rising. We can't afford that. We're going to have to take out a loan to pay for it. Between that one, and our two loans for car payments, how the hell are we supposed to get yet another loan for $10,000?? We probably can't. And that absolutely breaks my heart. Here we have waited for so long. And just knowing that money might be what stops us from getting pregnant. It sucks. So much. I hate it hate it hate it. And I really truly feel that IVF might be our only hope.
And now that deployment is over, there are new babies and pregnant women everywhere! And several of my other friends have hopped on the baby train too! It's only a matter of time before those girls get pregnant too.

I hate being this girl. I have said it time and time again. I have an amazing husband who loves me so much! I have the most wonderful friends a girl could ask for. I have such a great family. I have so much good in my life! Why can't I just focus on that. And just forget about wanting to be pregnant. And realize that there are so many other things in life that can and do make me happy. Why? Because I will not feel complete until I can have a child of my own. Even if that means adoption. Though even that is expensive, so it's still a ways away. Who knows what will become of this whole ordeal...only time will tell...

So I was just reading my last entry to my LJ, and it was last October! But what's really sad is that I still feel the exact same way.
Oh it's a sad sad world Charlie Brown.
Oh well. I just thought I would throw that out there.
I'm cramping. And moody. And just all around bitter today. Look out!

I'm writing this for me. I had it in my head, and just wanted to write it down. It's kind of woe is me, so feel free to skip it.
So tonight I was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep. And just like every night, I had 50 million things running through my head. And as always, one of the things was pregnancy. I was just thinking about how many friends/people I know that are pregnant. Then, out of nowhere, the thought "that will never be me." runs through my head. And not just the feeling like it will never happen, but like my subconscience telling me that I won't ever be able to get pregnant! And that scares that shit out of me! All I have ever wanted out of life is to be a wife and a mommy. Call me old fashioned or whatever, but that's me. I never had huge career goals. Not that I don't want to do anything, but those were always the top 2. And to think that I wouldn't be able to have children...it terrifies me. I don't know why I even wrote this all out, but I know that I won't be able to sleep until I do. I hate feeling like this. Everyone says, don't think about it! Have fun! Enjoy life together while it's just the 2 of you! You're still so young! Hearing someone tell me that is like taking a knife in the chest. Easy for you to say. You've never wanted it like I do. And it kills me that out of all these people that I know that are pregnant, only 1 or 2 of them were actually trying! No one else wanted to be!! It's just not fair. I hate that. And I hate that I feel that way. But I can't help it. And I hate to try to talk to people about it because they either 1.)don't understand 2.)don't care 3.)think that i'm crazy. Why do I do this to myself?? Because I can. Between wanting to get pregnant and being overweight, I'm constantly beating myself up inside. But the fat thing is just a whole other topic that I won't begin to get into!
Anyways, I warned you. Can't say that I didn't. I just really needed to get it out of my head. This is my journal afterall.

Okay, so I haven't been on here in 10 years! Sorry! I just figured out what my password was. And mostly only cuz Brina made me!! But I'm glad I did it! I still don't think I'll hardly use LJ. But hey, it's nice to have.
I need help making my page pretty. It's kind of ugly and plain! If someone wasnt to do it for me, that would be fantastic! Haha!! I'll cough up my password, I dont mind!

Okay kids, here goes! I'm not on livejournal. I know I only have Sabrina, Christen, and Erin on my list right now, but that's okay! I may get some more!! Let me just send a quick shout-out to those 3 hotties!!! Keep on keepin on girls! LOL, anyways, just thought I'd letcha know that I've kind of figured this thing out, just a lil bit though. Haha!